In last week's parsha Yaakov was told by his father and mother to go to Lavan's house in Padan Aram to find a wife. And the Torah informs us that Yaakov listened to them and went there.

In this week's parsha Rashi tells us that Yaakov spent 14 years in Torah study before he arrived in Padan Aram (See Rashi chapter 28 verse 9 for the entire calculation of Yaakov's lifetime).

If I told my son to go to the store and he arrives there 14 years later, I would not call that "listening to me". And yet the Torah testifies that Yaakov delayed his trip for 14 years and still fulfilled his parents' wishes!

I think that the reason is clear. Lavan was a swindler - Rivka grew up with him and should know. Yaakov was ordered to go there and get married, a process that might take years to complete (it actually was 20 years until Yaakov left Lavan). Yaakov undoubtedly felt that should he arrive unprepared spiritually for the coming period, he would learn from Lavan's evil ways. Therefore he sat in Torah study for 14 years before he approached the place.

Let me say it another way: Had Yaakov immediately gone to Lavan, got married but changed his behavior to a spiritual level less than it was when he started, would that be called "listening to his father and mother"? Yitzchak and Rivka certainly expected their son Yaakov to stay the same righteous person he had been. And if they tell him to go to Padan Aram, it includes an obligation to invest time and thought in ways which will allow him to remain righteous until he leaves there.

The next time somebody tells you that a boy doesn't need to go to Yeshiva or a girl to Bes Yaakov, you can tell him the above idea. The world around us has many pitfalls and too many young people have been lost to Judaism by jumping in with little or no preparation. In our generation as in the days of Yaakov Avinu, the parents pray for Yiddeshe Nachas (satisfaction) and the path is still the same path - serious Torah study.