Shalom
I have been told that the length of a person's life, who he/she will marry and other things about that person are all decreed before birth, and that these references are found at Yevamot 50a, and Talmud Sotah 2a.

I am also told that these decrees can be changed by meritorious behaviour and prayer, and that these references can be found at Rashi sv "Shnai" and Moed Kattan 18b. I do not have access to the references and I am unable to find anything on the www/internet.

Could you please further explain these decrees and references. Thank you.

Stan

Dear Stan,

There is a book called "PELLEH YO'ETZ" by Eliezer Pappo, among the wise men of Turkey who later lived in Rumania (died 1824).

On page 106 he discusses finding a wife. He wrote that even though it is true that G-d decrees 40 days before conception who will be the partner in marriage, but there is a more general picture to understand.

There are three kinds of decrees:

1. It is decreed that he will receive "good" and not "bad" and indeed he will receive "good" no matter what he does.
2. It is decreed that he will receive "bad" and after that decree is signed and sealed there is no way to save him from the "bad".
3. It is decreed that he will receive according to what he strives and prays for.

Therefore one should assume that he is in the third group and he should do everything in his power in order to make a good future for himself.

As far as a good match is concerned, if he has found a good match with a girl whose family promised a large dowry and suddenly the family is unable to give him the dowry - he should not delay the marriage or separate from her rather he should believe in G-d and trust in Him that He is the one who gives to each and every person what is proper for him. If he does not marry her because of those financial problems, he will later marry a different girl who is not his real match and will suffer - besides being punished in Heaven in the afterlife for refusing to marry the girl he meant to marry.

In any case a person should pray early and sincerely that he should find a proper match which will be successful for many years.

All the above is to be found in PELLA YO'ETZ page 106 (Zivvug, second paragraph).